March 3, 2013

growing up and saying goodbye

I think this is the first time I've ever been able to write a title before I've written the words for the post.
This week is the start and end of something in my life.
A commencement of something beautiful.
The cessation of something beautiful.

I first wrote about this // here //.

This particular week in the history of weeks throughout the years has not been so loving.
The past has littered this week with
job loss
fractured friendships
broken hearts
dissolution of a support group

all while sharing the week with my
day of birth

As one might guess,
I have a tendency to hold my breath and brace for the unexpected.

This year is different though.
Because the unexpected has been
coming way to quick for my taste.

A little over 70 days ago I found out my only sister was leaving town.
Not for a trip.
But for life.
For now.

With her goes my only niece and brother-in-law.

You know that feeling you get after your birthday when you know the celebration is over.
When you look ahead at the next 365 days and wonder what is ahead.
I already have the feeling.
And my birthday hasn't even happened yet.

And so on this the start of
my 27th year...

I embark on a new journey.
One that is minus three prominent characters of my story.

I've stood in this spot before.
When you're suppose to be happy but really your heart is broken.
When you smile through tears.
When you must purposefully rewrite the story mid-way through.
When you dare to imagine a different life then the one you dreamed of.

But that's how I know I am going to be okay.
I've seen this play out before.
Almost like it was preparing me for this moment.
The story does end well.
Even in the absence of the ones I love most.
The cessation of this chapter will most definitely bring
something beautiful.

1 comment:

  1. Been thinking of and praying for you this week!