September 5, 2012

change my life

As I sat in youth group the other night I surveyed the crowd.
High school students littered the floor listening to our youth pastor.
The topic.
Being invisible.

No, not in the superhero sense.
I suppose the superhero would consider that an advantage.
But I'm no superhero.
I'm just a twenty-six year old who knows what it feels like to be invisible.
To have my presence acknowledged but my true heart hidden.
I'm sure you can either relate now or at some point in the past.

I've written about this before. 
Being overlooked but seen.

But this time it feels different.
Sometimes when our enemy knows we are low he likes to put that extra punch in our gut.
The one where you come up gasping for air.
That happened the other night to me.
A simple thing really that triggered it.
But simple to you can mean utterly destructive to me.

By the next morning I was staring at my toast questioning everything I felt in my heart this last year.
All to familiar tears welled up in my eyes.
I gulped down my glass of milk and the tears.

When I retreated to my bathroom mirror I recalled the very thing we were trying to convey to our high schoolers.
We are not invisible.
There I was.
A reflection.
If I can see my heart.
If a select few people I've allowed in can see my heart.
Clearly there is someone else who sees my heart, my tears, my life, my future.
He should.
He made me after all.

I left for work that morning having already lived a full day.
My words as I parted were simple yet powerful,
"It's okay, I will be okay, somehow He will work this all out."
Saying it was my act of faith.
To trust that things could change -- though in that moment I felt completely invisible.

He was faithful to.
To you -- it would just be a song on the radio.
To me -- it was the another shred of hope to hang onto.
Just the right words. Just the right time.

So let me share with you a quote from a book and a song for the road ahead.
I don't want to be the one they speak of in this quote.
I want to persist till the end.
In contrast to the quote,
I want very much to believe the words of the song.
My life can still change.
And you can still change someone else's life.
Be the reason today that someone else in this world feels a little less invisible.

3 comments:

  1. Woah. Woah. Woah. All I can say is thank you for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love you, and you are not invisible, and you are not alone. You are vibrant and beautiful and kind and amazing. You are not invisible.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is beautiful, and I know exactly what you mean by being invisible. In High School it was an asset... or more of one than now, now it carries with it its own weight.

    You have such a gift for writing.

    ReplyDelete